I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
