Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
