if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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