You smell like stripper and shame
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
