So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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