they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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