Pappa wants mamma naked
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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