there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
