Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
