Nicole vs. Life
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
