The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
