When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
