This girl is more easily done than said...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
