he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if only i could text you this smell
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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