State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
