All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
