how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
