True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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