No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
