how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
