I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I would ride that face into the sunset
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
