he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
