everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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