I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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