I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
