New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
