Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Randomize
