I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
