I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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