Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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