There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize