Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
