I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize