trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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