i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
