Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
