Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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