I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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