It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
two words...techno handjob
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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