Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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