There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
