): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
