he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
