i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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