All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
