that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
