I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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