I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
