I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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