Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
