I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
