remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
