i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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