how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
