somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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