i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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