U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize