if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
