My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
