glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
