she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
