we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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