Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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