May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
