Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
