Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
