the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
