its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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