My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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