You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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