There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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