my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Green mimosas i think yes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
