and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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