This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
