I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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