we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
