I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize