I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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