he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
