hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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