Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
