Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
